Thursday, March 30, 2006

And Life Isn't Sucking Today

Ok, so if you're Lauren, Michael, Allison or Carla, you already know this, but today I got an email. An important email. (Notice how I'm building suspense!)

It was from Todd Snider's PR, and she said she'd be happy to set up an interview with me for the Crimson White.

Which made me estatic (I even temporarly forgot that Arrested Development is over... now I don't know how to feel!) The day when along and I was looking for people to tell: I called Carla, then Michael, told Tim and Jason at work (funnily enough, Tim can't stand Todd Snider... but I'm hoping he's happy for me anyway.) Then reality began to set in. I had to interview him, as in come up with legit questions and not just ramble about how great he is for half an hour.

So now I'm nervous. Very very nervous.

But I'm on the list!

I'm on the LIST!

THE LIST! I'm on it.

So now I just have to figure out a way to write this thing well, and more importantly interview him well.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sad, Dark, Evil Day

Last post of the day, I promise.

It is a sad and dark day. Nothing beautiful exists in the world right now. It's over. Officially. Mitch Hurwitz, creator of Arrested Development, has decided not return to the show, should Shotime pick it up. Basically, this means it's over, because they only wanted to show if Mitch came on board, too.

I have to say, I honestly believe this was the funniest TV show I'd ever freakin' seen. No more SLUT T-shirt, no more pop-pop, no more big yellow joint or "i can't even fake the death of a stripper." No more Inner-beauty Pagents at the Church and State Fair. No more Lucille 2 or Maggie Lizer or Steve Holt.

Goodbye, greatest show ever. I'll miss you, and the following quotes:

"I just blue myself."

"You can't touch my cousin. Your cousin."

"Hey, brother."




"No touching!"

"No no, you killed him when you left the air conditioner on with the door open."

"I thought you had class." "I thought YOU had class!"

"Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up."

"Oh please, they didn't sneak into this country to be your friends."

and in the words of Kitty Sanchez, secretary/mistress/flasher:

"Say goodbye, Michael. It's the last time you'll see these."

Last time, indeed.

How Far Is It?

So there's a website called "How Far Is It?" that will tell you how far apart any two cities are. It gives both miles and kilometers - fancy. I decided to see how far away my friends are from me.

Lauren - Atlanta, GA - 184 miles
Family - Dothan, AL - 186 miles
Timmy - Bonifay, FL - 201 miles
Brooke - Panama City - 238 miles
Michael &
Jesse - Denton, TX - 555 miles
Allison - NY, NY - 909 miles
Rocio, etc - Santiago, Chile - 4715 miles
Shelley - Melbourn, Aus. - 9497 miles

I will try to visit you all - probably starting with Lauren.

I might look like the All American Rejects guy...

Our culture is almost dangersouly celebrity obsessed. (Please, do not point out my hypocracy by reminding me of how many of my posts have mentioned celebrities.) Our national obsession takes many forms: tabloids, news television shows, celebrity endorsments, etc.

One of the most interesting to me, is how often we tell people what celebrity they look like. I have a friend who cut his hair very short and people started telling him he looked like Brad Pitt, so he kept it short. Another friend gets Jude Law. One kid I know looks like Topher Grace.

My whole life, I've never gotten any comparison. Until a few years ago, when the All American Rejects came out, and people told me I looked like the lead singer. That's his pic above. Truth is, I could see how people would think that: black shaggy hair, skinny, angular face, kinda pale... but couldn't that describe a whole host of people?

I pretend to resent it, but deep down, I'm glad I finally get a celebrity comparison. We're supposed to be a culture of individuals, but when a cute girl compares me to someone on a magazine cover, I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not that unique.


Joni Mitchell

For The Roses

Monday, March 27, 2006

Oh Google, What Is Love?

Ian Somerhalder and I have only a 17% chance of making it, but there is a 100% chance that I will eventually steal his hair.... and shirt.

There are some things everyone wants to know. What is the maning of life? Who really shot JFK? How does Tom Cruise keep getting work?

Cheif among these eternal and universal questions is this: What is love? To find the answer, I turned to the wisest of all modern sages, Google. I took the top 5 results as the infallible words of the Google.

The first hit was the Love Calculator. It's a pretty simple website. You put in your full name and the full name of whomever you wish, and it calculates the odds of your romantic reltationship working out. I entered my name and the name of a girl who I think is cute - let's call her Betty. Betty and I only have a 66% chance of making it. So I tried another girl - let's call her Al. (Paul Simon, anyone?) Al and I are even worse off - 25%. I then resorted to celebrities: Natalie Portman (51%) Emilie de Ravin (of Lost - 66%), Sarah Vowell (86%) and Brad Pitt (83% - which is more than he scored with Angelina Jolie - the two of them have a respectable 77%)

Surprisingly, my best chance at romantic fullfilment is with Mariah Carey (96%!) and my worst was with current man-crush Ian Somerhalder (pictured above with a low shot of 17%). Crazy McLoon and I have a decent chance of 81%.

How the Love Calculator arrives at these answers is any one's guess.

Next hit was Love Poems and Quotes. It taught me that love is like junior high poetry. It's sing songy and always, always - above all else - rhymes.

Then I checked out which is a pretty annoying website. You have to give your email address, but it does seem more accurate. Where the Love Calcuator justs asks for your names, this site asks for names, genders, and birthdays. I mean, if names can tell you a percentage, how much more can gender and birthdays tell you? However, I wasn't willing to give my email address away again, so the chances of my working out with Betty and Al will remain unknown.

Feeling desperate, I clicked the fourth link to iLoveLanguages. I had know idea how many langauge loving linguists there are out there. If you love reading about languages and language based journals, this link is for you. It made me think they should re-write that old song to be: "I learned to truth at seventeen, that love was meant for linguists." But, as we've already learned, love must always rhyme.

Finally, I clicked on over to AOL's personal ads. Love apparently, is of great interest to single women in their 30s and 40s who describe themselves as "great listeners" (i don't need a shrink, thanks) and "seasoned and sensual" (like steak?) This site also gave me advice on cheap dates, because apparently love shouldn't cost a thing. (Can't buy me love, indeed.) It said to go the beach or go hiking or ice skating (clearly, this website is not really designed for people in Tuscaloosa, AL where we have no beaches, mountains or ice.)

All in all, I learned five things about love: It's seemingly random, cheesy, demans too much information, nerdy and desperate/cheap. I'm just still bummed that Ian and I just can't make it work, but anyone got Mariah's number?


Ben Kweller

Sha Sha

("That's How It Should Be" "Commerce, TX" "Wasted & Ready" "Harriet's Got a Song" and "Falling")

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Fairwell, Spring Break, We Hardly Knew Ye

Spring break has come and gone again - so so quickly. Tomorrow, it's back to the grindstone of Spanish, Shakespeare, English lit and Early American Fiction. And of course, the job... slinging CDs.

Highlight from Spring Break this year are pretty dim, as all I did was go home and embrace free food and a good night's sleep.

Besides getting to hang out with my cousins + Timmy, I got to spend some quality time with cable TV.

I saw the episode of South Park with Chef's return. GENIUS. I thought, for a moment, that the show was going to be heartwarming (at the funeral), but then the "fruity little club that scrambled his brains" line killed me.

Also, can I just say, Fox News really is the most biased network I've ever seen? Don't get me wrong, CNN and MSNBC aren't exactly pillars of journalistic integrity, but Fox really takes the cake. I've never seen anchors whose story selection is designed to destroy one party. It's pretty incredible.

Anyway, I'll be back posting a lot this week, so those of you bored at work (you know who you are.. if you're not already drunk!) will have something to read.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Nick Drake

Bryter Layter

V for Vendetta

So I went to see V for Vendetta Sunday night. Just a couple of thoughts about the whole experience:

I stepped up to the counter and said, "1 for V for Vendetta," and the woman looks at me says, "Could I see your license?" I'm 24 years old. 24, and I just got carded for a rated R movie. That hasn't happened in, like, 2 years. I thought I was past that stage. Oh well.

I'm a little in shock that I liked the movie. I mean, by all rational logic, this is a movie I should hate. It's by the Matrix guys, and I hate that movie. It's also based on a comic book, and (Spiderman excluded) I also hate pretty much everything comic book related. It definitely had it's flaws: The mask got annoying. The symbolism was a little on the heavy side. The dialogue didn't always flow. It chased a couple rabbits.

However, I can't remember the last time I saw a big budged (action oriented, no less) movie that provoked so many questions. It's Tuesday, and I'm still thinking about it. It's message was also very unclear. It was messy. I liked this. It brought up a lot of questions and may have answered none of them.

But that's life sometimes. A lot of questions with no answers.

That is why I actually liked this movie. That and I want to have Natalie Portman's babies.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Roll Tide

Alabama beat Marquette yesterday 90 - 85 in the first round of the NCAA tourny. I really thought we were going to blow that ten point lead like we did against Kentucky in the SEC tourny.

Somehow, we won it though. Mostly thanks to Jean Felix's 31 points. 31!

The SEC actually went 4-0 yesterday, and we might go 5-0 if Arkansas will get on the ball (they are currently losing 40-33 to Bucknell)

Roll Tide, guys.

Google Me!

So I am now googleable as it turns out. If you Google the news section "josh mallory" you'll come up with my articles for the CW. If you google the regular section, on down the page, you'll get the CW there too.

It's kindof a cool feeling knowing that I can be found on Google. A small part of me feels like that somehow validates me as a member of society. I have now contributed something that can be found via the Google.

I was googleable once before, when an essay I wrote for the Marrs Field Journal won a national competition. You could find the competition's website as well as a couple news articles that mentioned it, but ever since I haven't been on Google's search results.

It's pretty cool.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Spring Break

Thank God it is spring break. I cannot begin to tell you how tired I am. I've got one class tomorrow morning, but I don't have anything due for it. No tests, no quizzes, no papers, nothing for the CW, nothing.

It is such a sweet sweet relief. I'm so gonna catch up on my sleep!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Stress of an Alabama Basketball Fan

The problem of being an Alabama basketball fan, as opposed to being an Alabama football fan, is glaring and simple and painful.

Alabama football has a long, successful tradition. 21 SEC titles, 12 National titles, more bowl appearances and wins than anyone else, Wallace Wade, Paul "Bear" Bryant (who won more national titles than any other coach). Even when our program has down years (see my college career), we can remember and build upon our success.

Alabama basketball, however, doesn't have that same tradition. Current coach Mark Gottfried is trying to build that, which is pretty difficult to do in a state of football crazed lunatics.

As a program, we definitely seem to have some upward momentum. This marks our 5th straight appearance in the NCAA tournament, which I believe is only the second time we've ever done that. We even did it with 3 freshman, 7 total players, and our star player Chuck Davis hurt.

But if there is a complaint, it is this. Alabama basketball is a big tease. Every year, it seems, we are good, but not good enough. We get into the tournament, and get out quickly. (Except one year, we did make it to the Elite Eight.)

This better-than-average-ness makes Alabama BBall hard to ignore, but the lack of greatness makes it hard to love. Especially when we know that sooner or later, UA football will be back winning the SEC and humiliating rivals.

So please, Jermario, Jean, Alonzo and co. do well in the tournament. At least make it to UCLA and play them well. I want to be proud to be an Alabama basketball fan. I want you guys to get as much love as the football team. (Especially since my encounters with you guys has been much more positive than most of my encounters with the footballers.)

Just Maybe...

Todd Snider, singer songwriter and personal hero, is playing at the Bama Theatre here in Tuscaloosa in April. One week later, Patty Griffin is playing a bar in Starkeville.

I have full permission from the CW to pursue interviews with both of them. I actually already have Todd Snider's manager's number and email address.

I could actually get to interview one or possibly both of my favorite current artists. Here is a list of the feelings going through me:


I'm not sure how Montana got in there, but whatever.


Elvis Costello

This Year's Model

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tastes Like Hypocracy... Needs Salt

So Issac Hayes has decided to leave South Park, because of their satire of religion. He claims as a civil rights activist for the last 40 years (really? I just thought he did Shaft and then waited for a couple decades before doing anything else successful), he could no longer support a show that pokes fun of people's sacred beliefs.

Really? Over the last 9 years the show (which I, even as a Christian, think is brilliant) has poked fun at Christians, Jews, Muslims, Mormons and pretty much everyone else, but now he can take no more? I'm glad he's standing up for his beliefs 9 years too late.

Also, the timing is highly suspect. His announcement comes not long after an episode ridiculing Scientology, which happens to be his religion. So basically, he can cash checks and take money poking fun at others' beliefs, just not his own.

I actually believe that is called a "double standard" which often leads to "bigotry" - Ahhh, gotta love "civil rights activists."

This is only going to be used by conservative idiots like O'Reilly and Hannity to further the stereotype that people who claim to be tolerant are actually very interolerant. It's why the "liberals" in this country have a bad name. For the love, take a joke and let it blow over.

Monday, March 13, 2006

13 Year Old White Supremicist Pop Singers

In the new GQ (with Lost's Matthew Fox on the cover) there is an article called "Minor Threat" by Aaron Gell. It is about two 13 year old twins who are hitting it big as "pop stars" in the White Nation circuit.

Basically, these girls (who are moving from California because, apparantly, Mexicans live there) are little blonde twins, who have been taught Hitler wasn't bad (he just killed the Jews because he had to), white people should take the Pacific Northwest as their own and other cultures are bad. Very bad.

At first, I was generally pissed off. I mean, really, who the hell is teaching their kids this stuff? And why would people want to listen to music that preaches that white people are morally superior?

Then I was sad for the girls. They're 13, and they have no idea what idiots they are. As they get older, they might realize their mom is a complete moron and has taught them straight out lies. Not only that, but they're so sheltered from other cultures. They won't get to experience (not while their mother has custody anyway) great Chinese food or Spanish Literature. They won't get to befriend exchange students from Nigeria or Australia or Korea. They're missing out on literally a world of culture simply because their mother is a horrible bigot.

Finally, I was actually a little relieved when I stopped to think about what this article means. In a weird way, this article represents that these ideas are so freakish and out of the mainstream, that articles should be written about these people, like circus freaks or something. It shows that America has made some progress. When someone moves out of their neigborhood because a Mexican family moved in, that person is judged outside the national norm. At least, if nothing else, we're making some headway.

Read the article if you get a chance. It is pretty entertaining, and you will have no idea how you should feel after reading it.

Roll Tide

Alabama is making its 5th straight appearance in the NCAA tourney this year. Hopefully, we'll survive a little longer than we did last year. But hey, it's tough to build up a sport in the shadow of football. Congrats to the team.

Roll Tide

Creepy Stat

So I currently have two friends with staph infections. Is that weird?

One of them is super hot. I'll let them figure out which one I mean.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Bob Dylan

Nashville Skyline

("Lay Lady Lay" - ummm, wow)


Screw, VH1. I'll tell you who had the best week ever: me! This past Sunday to Sunday (which is technically 8 days, but whatever. Tuesday was forgettable, so we'll just skip that one and bam! it's back to 7 days.) has been the best 8 day span ever.

Sunday (a week ago): Oscar party. I totally won the pot!

Monday: Saw Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer speak here at UA. It was pretty freakin' cool.

Tuesday: eh

Wendesday: Went to the park with my friends, Robyn, Kat, Jimmy, and Daniel. We sat around and threw the frisbee and D played his guitar. Good times.

Thursday: Got some grades back in EN 300. 89 on the paper and a whopping 100 on the midterm (have no idea how that happened.)

Friday: Ate lunch outside and skipped class, because the weather was so nice. Also, got to take a nap. Also, Austin finally came into town again.

Saturday: At work, I placed 8 special orders, so that helps my average. I won't be the loser at Oz this month. I played Ultimate Frisbee, and my team won! Go us (Abby, Austin, Cristobol and random cool guy Scott). Then Carla and I (she was on the losing team) and her roommate Jen floored it up to B-ham to go ice skating. Then, ended the day with some awesome Guerilla Theatre.

Sunday: Played volleyball for a couple hours. Didn't win, but it was still pretty fun. Then got to hang out with Nathan, as it's his birthday. Plus, Bama made it into the NCAA tourny.

So there you go, one good day after another (excluding, remember, average Tuesday). Althought, I'm crazy sore, it's been kick-butt.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Tell me what i should do

So tonight, I go to Guerilla Theatre and see this guy from class. For the purpose of this essay, let's call him Buster. (Like the idiot son on Arrested Development.)

Buster precedes to tell me he's going to do a song that I would love. He says he knows my taste, and I will love it. First of all, I'm wondering, what do you know creepy classmate?

So, he is actually the first act. He comes out and does a song called Statitician's Blues. It's a Todd Snider song. I love this song, especially the one of his live version. So, I think, that's cool. He's doing a Todd song.

Then, after he finishes, he tells one of Todd's jokes. Then uses an intro for a Todd Song, then plays a Todd song (the wrong one for the intro actually). He uses a couple more Todd jokes and says good night to the crowd.

So, honestly, I'm thinking, if you're going to cover someone, that's cool, but give them credit. Also, don't completely rip them off and pass it off as your own. It kinda pissed me off.

My question is on Tuesday, when I see him in class (Buster is overall a pretty nice guy, aside from the stage plagiarism) should I...

a) Say "Yeah, I loved that act. When I saw Todd do it three times last year."

b) Say "Yeah, I love Todd Snider. I've seen him like three times." (and let the embarrising realization sink in)

c) Be like, dude, if you're gonna rip off one my favorite artists, give him credit


d) the most likely option, "yeah, good job, man."

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

iPod Fun

It's been about a month since I posted my top ten list, so I thought I'd update.

1) "Return of the Grievous Angel" by Gram Parsons

2) "From the Morning" by Nick Drake

3) "Conversation" by Joni Mitchell

4) "Pink Moon" by Nick Drake

5) "It's the Nighttime" by Josh Rouse

6) "Sad Eyes" by Josh Rouse

7) "Rise" by Josh Rouse

8) "Useless Desires" by Patty Griffin

9) "Me and Willie" by Emmylou Harris

10) "Cody Cody" by the Flying Burrito Brothers


Truman Capote

Music for Chameleons

Monday, March 06, 2006

Quick Note

Today I got to hear Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer speak, and it only furthered strengthened my belief that everything wrong in the country lies with Bill O'Reilly. Or at least his kind in the media. All these biased political commentators (both left and right. I'm looking at you Al Fraken and Ann Coulter.) villify the "opposing side" and make only give people soundbites as evidence.

I really respect "liberal" justice Breyer after today. I agreed with most of what he said, but not all. But even where I disagreed, I could see his side. Isn't that what the democratic process is supposed to be like?

If the news media would show full speeches (not soundbites without context), do real research and allow and force political leaders to explain themselves, this would be a much more well adjusted country.

Joni Mitchell

Miles of Aisles

A Poem to Rachel Weisz

Oh, Rachel Weisz,
Think you're nice,
I will triesz
To love you all my lifsz
Oh, Rachel Weisz.

Random Thoughts on Oscar

1) I won 18 dollars! My friend Kat set up an Oscar pool, and I won! It's just the start of my gambling addiction. I correctly predicted 13 categories including Actor, Actress, Picture, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Animated Feature, and Score. Not bad.

2) How much sense does this make? As a Southerner, I'm outraged that not only was "Walk the Line" not the best picture, it wasn't even nomitated. Clearly, the Academy is still uncomfortable with people from the South. Granted, the best actress was Southern and played a Southern character, but still. I'm angry. Now, I would just like to say to all the people accusing the academy of playing safe by voting "Crash" best picture. GET OVER YOURSELVES. It didn't lose because it's gay, and it didn't deserve to win just because it is gay. Hoffman got best actor for playing a gay guy, and "Brokeback" won best director. That happens a lot when two movies are both popular. One gets best director and the other gets best actor. Also, "Crash" was an actor's movie, and actors make up the majority of the voters. Finally, Brokeback wasn't nearly so ground breaking as people say it is. Didn't Midnight Cowboy already do that like 30 years ago anyway? It wasn't the best movie of the year, and neither was "Crash"...

3) Where's the outrage that "Good Night, and Good Luck" didn't win? It was actually the best movie of the year without a doubt. Incredibly well acted (sorry Heath and Jake, but no), well written and beautifully filmed. The music was perfect. If there was one flawless movie last year, it was "Good Night, and Good Luck" followed closely by "Capote" - talk about movies that stick with you. Sorry it wasn't about homophobia or racism. Just simply and beautifully made.

4) 3 6 Mafia sucks. That's it.

5) I love girls with accents. Nicole Kidman. Rachel Weisz. Will one of you please for the love of all things holy marry me?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Open Letter to Shotime

Oh, ShoTime,

I said I'd never take you back. You broke my heart when you ripped away Dead Like Me after only two seasons. You left so many questions: How did Rube die? What will happen to George? Will Daisy and Mason ever have hot undead sex?

You replaced it with Fat Actress, and crushed my soul with its absolute lack of humor.

But now, oh foul network, there is talk that you may have saved Arrested Development, my all time desert island favorite show. I don't know what to feel just now. I've spent so much time hating you, I forgot that you might one day, in the future, do something I need.

But I'm no fool. I'm afraid you'll simply hurt me again. Will you only give me five more episodes before you yank it away like Dead Like Me? Will you alter the show to such an extent that I don't recognize it? Will you send your dogs after me? Or your bees? Or your dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark at me, the bees will attack?

I might take you back, Sho-ie, but be warned. You take away an aspect of my beloved show (the censorship, Tobias' ambigous sexuality, Kitty's blurred breasts) and it's over forever.


Friday, March 03, 2006


Josh Ritter

Hello Starling


So, it's not great (see how I'm lowering your expectations so you're not expecting much, thus lowering the standard I have to meet in order to impress you), but I wrote an article for today's Crimson White.

It's about Jackson Jones, a cool local band here in T-town. They're having a CD release party tonight at the Mellow Mushroom. You guys should go... around 11:30.

Anyway, feel free to read the article and let me know what you think... actually, you can leave off what you think. Tell me what I want to hear.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Emmylou Harris

Luxury Liner

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

If I meet Nicole Kidman, I'll Throw Up

Quick thought before I'm off to Chris' to watch "Lost" (Ahh, Claire... how I love thee...)

I always thought I'd be cool if I met a celebrity. I would just talk to them like they're a normal person and move on. However, based on an incident earlier today, I'm no longer willing to make that statement.

As I'm an English major, I meet very few athletes. For some reason, not many offensive lineman like to sit in a semi-cirle and analyze Tennessee Williams. (I suppose there are exceptions to every rule, however.)

In the Ferg today, I saw a very tall guy walking towards us. He sat behind me and I realized who it was. Jermario Davidson (For those not familiar with the University, he's on the basketball team.)

First off, I couldn't think about anything else. My friend Kelly mocked me ("ohmygod, josh, he just took the pickles off his chicken sandwhich. ohmigodohmigodican'tbelieveit!") as she should have.

When it came time for me to leave, I introduced myself and studdered and stumbled over my words quite a bit. I'm not really sure exactly what I said, however, I do remember actually uttering the phrase "I'm a little awe of you, so I'm gonna go."

That was just a college athlete. If I ever meet a real celebrity, I'll throw up or pass out or spontaneously combust!