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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Open Letter to Shotime

Oh, ShoTime,

I said I'd never take you back. You broke my heart when you ripped away Dead Like Me after only two seasons. You left so many questions: How did Rube die? What will happen to George? Will Daisy and Mason ever have hot undead sex?

You replaced it with Fat Actress, and crushed my soul with its absolute lack of humor.

But now, oh foul network, there is talk that you may have saved Arrested Development, my all time desert island favorite show. I don't know what to feel just now. I've spent so much time hating you, I forgot that you might one day, in the future, do something I need.

But I'm no fool. I'm afraid you'll simply hurt me again. Will you only give me five more episodes before you yank it away like Dead Like Me? Will you alter the show to such an extent that I don't recognize it? Will you send your dogs after me? Or your bees? Or your dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark at me, the bees will attack?

I might take you back, Sho-ie, but be warned. You take away an aspect of my beloved show (the censorship, Tobias' ambigous sexuality, Kitty's blurred breasts) and it's over forever.

FOREVER.

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