Humbug! (#1)

This is the first a series of posts on why I no longer like Christmas:

I don't like Christmas music. I told my friend Manhattan Allison I don't like it. She said "Even Mariah Carey's?" (By the way, my sad admission is that I still have an affinity for the MC. That's what I call her 'cuz we're tight. But I feel I love enough good, snobby music like Patty, Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Al Green, Billie Holiday, Willie Nelson, and Nick Drake to balance it out)

Then I got to thinking, ok, even though the MC's doesn't particularly make me want to rip off my own face, most songs do. Then I realized, there are, in fact, eleven Christmas songs. ELEVEN!

1) Silent Night

2) Holy Night (these two should really be one!)

3) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

4) Drummer Boy

5) Silver Bells

6) I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

7) Rudolph

8) Jingle Bells/Jingle Bell Rock

9) Mary, Did You Know? (that I'm sick of these songs?)

10) Santa Baby

11) Santa Claus is Coming to Town

(There might be a few more, but they're not even worth mentioning. These are the ones I hear.)

Basically, eight million artists (from Frank Sinatra to Eartha Kitt to Kiss) have all recorded these same eleven songs over and over again. Then the radio stations/stores/soccer moms start playing them in No-freakin'-vember.

(By the way, this is literally torture. It's one way to get war prisoners to talk! I'd tell them want they want to know if they'd just ask me! Stupid Clear Channel!)

How, exactly, am I not supposed to be sick of these songs by actual Christmas day? HOW?

There you have it, folks, reason #1 why I don't like Christmas anymore.